Just went to dinner with my ex whom I’m still very interested in, still love like crazy. I’ve been telling her that through all the months we’ve been apart and we’ve both stayed away from seeing other people. She calls me and asks me out to dinner. I’m thinking she wants to see me, spend time with me, sort of rekindle that love we still have for each other. Towards the end of dinner, our conversation leads us in a direction where things get awkward and she says something that triggers me asking what she means. She hesitates and pauses. I get that faint drop in my stomach and in my head, I can hear the faint ticking of a figurative bomb. She reaches in her wallet, pulls out a square picture and lays it on the table just in front of me. I look down and it’s a sonogram.
We haven’t had sex since a week before we broke up over 6 months ago, so I know it’s not me, plus we always had protected sex and she always made sure we used condoms. It’s a friend of hers, two or so months ago, during the same time I was talking to her, asking her out on weekends to catch up and spend time with her and just be close to her. She got drunk at her older brother’s wedding and they had unprotected sex. It sucks so badly for me emotionally, but I can’t tell her how I feel because it feels selfish to unload all this emotional distress that yeah, I know we weren’t officially together, but you and I both constantly told each other how much we cared about each other. There was a degree of loyalty there. And honestly, I get that it’s bigger for me than her, but I loved her, still do and yeah, she got drunk, but if alcohol was the only thing needed to have sex, unprotected sex with someone else, then what the fuck is the point of being a loyal man? Why does it suck SO BAD to be a good guy?